


I Know That if you Hide, It Doesn't Go Away

by AbbeyTheWeeb



Series: Discover our Secrets [1]
Category: 18th Century CE RPF, American Revolution RPF, Historical RPF
Genre: Accidental Plot, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drunk John Laurens, Drunkenness, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, descriptions of hanging tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28317417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbbeyTheWeeb/pseuds/AbbeyTheWeeb
Summary: John gets drunk and is extremely affectionate. Alexander worries that they might get caught by the other aides.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Series: Discover our Secrets [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2167440
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	I Know That if you Hide, It Doesn't Go Away

“Listen,” I try to speak, “we will be safe-”

“How will we be safe, Alexander?” John cries out, his hair is all greasy and he appears like he hasn’t slept in days, all the nights we have been tangled together in sleep, he must have been wide awake. I thank God that no one is in the office, all the aides are out practicing drills. “How? I will not. I am made of sin, I am made out of sin!”

“John, please-” 

“Alexander, please save yourself. You need to save yourself. I am in, I am going to Hell.” 

My heart breaks every second, I know he does not wish for me to run away from him, I am guessing his father sent him something about sodomy how it is wrong. I heard there was a man that was hanged from it last week in New York state. “You are just loving someone, Jack. Please… I know this is hard... please let me comfort you.” 

At first, John stands still on the bed, unsure of what to do, and then he nods. “Please comfort me…” he sobs into his hands, his body shaking. I feel like I am suffering from millions of gunshots when I see my dear cry, he does not deserve all this pain, I wrap my arms around him and I rock him, kissing his blonde locks. He continues, “you say this is just love. Well, what will everyone think? Tench… Fitz… Harrison… Richard… they will all hate me, I know it. They would like to see my corpse.” 

“Alexander…” 

I glance at John, his face is full of blush and he smells of alcohol. We had been drinking, until all of a sudden, I realized that he had one too many drinks, thus leaving him drunk. He has a large smile on his face and his hair is loose from his braid. He trips on his own feet and luckily I catch him before his body can collide with the ground. He giggles at his little fall and I sigh. I take his arm and place it around my shoulders and my hand goes for his hip. 

“Whatcha’ doing…” 

I laugh, it’s strange to see all serious John go from a silly fool. My silly fool, in fact. “I’m helping you so you don’t fall on your ass.” 

We walk into camp and he almost collapses, yet my strong grip keeps him up. 

“Alexander…,” his voice is loud and I am nervous about what he will say, I have never experienced a drunk John like this so I am aware of everything he will say. Luckily, I view that no one is around us at all, since it’s night. 

“Yes?’”

John purrs in my ear and giggles, “you are such a darn beautiful thing.” 

There is no lust in his voice at all, more of a loveable and soft tone. I took a deep breath, at least he was not going to show everyone the secrets about him that he wanted to keep only to me and his closest friends. My cheeks do get warm from the flirt, though, yet I quickly stop the blushing so I would not attract attention if anyone did pop out in any of the tents. It is quite odd to hear that from John at all, he shows his love for me in a multitude of ways, but him being this type of affectionate, is somewhat adorable. “Thank you, Jack. I’m getting you back to headquarters alright?” 

He nods and nudges his nose into his cheek and there is a pang of worry in my stomach, if we are seen, we most likely are in trouble and get reported. I tense my grip on John’s hip just by thinking of it, I do not want to see him condemned to death because he loves me. 

“We can snuggle!” John lets out a shaky breath and there's a cloud of air, it’s getting too cold and I am afraid he will freeze. He lets out a shaky laugh and rests his head on my shoulder. “Warm.” 

“Yes, yes, we can,” I hum in his ear. I will love to be comforted by his powerful yet also calming hands rubbing my back and whispering how handsome I am, yet the main thing on my mind is getting caught. I may be a risk-taker when it comes to my relationship with John, yet not as much as what he is doing right now. I whisper into his ear, “Let’s remain quiet so we won’t get caught, alright?”

“Oh, anything for you dear!” John whispers, his voice wavering throughout music notes. 

As we are waking, snow starts to fall gradually from the sky. John keeps being affectionate towards me and I remain silent to him yet I feel like I am about to scream on the top of my lungs, begging someone for mercy to spare his life. If anyone notices us, of course. But I remain in silence, the only sound that I make is my teeth rattling or taking a deep breath and exhaling. John makes a little puckering motion as if he wishes to kiss me, yet is too dazed to do so. However, he attempts to stroke my face with the hand that is across my shoulder and the finger brushes my cheek. 

“You’re cold,” he mutters with a giggle, yet there is a little hint of concern. 

“I know,” I let out hot air on my bottom lip, it feels chapped and feels like it is about to crack. A young soldier comes from his tent and starts walking towards us and I do a quiet prayer to God that he does not expect from any of us. I dip my head and he dips his head back. “My friend’s drunk, carrying him back home.” 

The soldier has a little smile on his face and dips his head again and passes us and the air in my lungs which I have been forcing it to resort to finally can be exhaled. I glance at John, his blonde hair messy and hanging low. I would die for him. 

“Do you want me to warm you up, Alexander?” he asks patiently and I can see all the ways he can possibly break the frost’s chains off of me. I think of the most passionate one and I do not even feel wanting, which is strange for me. My main goal is not to be pleasured by the most beautiful man, it is protecting him from a rope around his neck. 

“We,” I have a hard time speaking through all of this anxiety. I peer at him, his beautiful smile, his golden blonde hair, everything about him, I have an urge to kiss him, I really do, yet I cannot. I finally continue, “you can bundle me up when we get back to the office. You look awfully tired, are you sure?” 

He nods and takes a little yawn, it’s sarcastic but I do not laugh. The sound of the wind shakes through the valley, yet it does not match the loudness of my heart thumping and thumping. John mumbles, “hey handsome… how long is the trip there?” 

Before I can answer him, I glance at a building and I can tell it is the headquarters. It looks less than a hundred feet away, but I stop walking and stand still. I bite my lip so hard, I can feel the taste of blood. I can see candlelight through the windows, which can mean only one thing, that all the aides are still up and working. It is almost ten o’clock, they would be asleep already. I stand still until I start to shiver again and John slowly rubs my arm with the one that I am not holding to give me warmth. “We are close to it, Jack. You have to remain quiet though, everyone’s awake.” 

“Like us!” John lets out a bellowing laugh and he almost slips from the snow. He nuzzles into the base of my shoulder and I do not think he can even detect my nervousness. “How… how come I am so lucky to have you as a lo-”

My hand immediately lets go of his hip and I clasp it on his mouth. I know he was going to say lover and my throat tightens up. He mumbles into my hand and kisses it, finishing the sentence he was going to speak out. My heart jumps and I feel like it is banging on my ribcage to let itself out and be free from the tightness of a man who is incredibly affectionate when he is drunk. 

Finally, we reach the office, yet I do not open the door yet. I look ar John, a playful expression plastered on his face. I glance around to see if anyone is around and when I realize the coast is clear, I bury my nose in his blonde locks. He reeks of alcohol, perhaps the aides will see he is just being playful drunk and not a lover of me. Of a man. “Got to be quiet, alright?” 

“Anything for you, beautiful!” 

I sigh and open the door very slowly, the warmth from the inside urges me to go inside, but I would rather stay in the frigid night and let John go in. I peek my head inside. Everyone is there: Tilghman, Harrison, Fitzgerald, and Meade. I step in, clutching John’s hand, the one that is over my shoulder. All of them look up and smiles form on their faces, appearing to be energetic to my arrival. 

“Hamilton!” Tilghman rises from his chair and claps his hands once, his auburn hair bouncing on his shoulders. “We were wondering where you were! We thought you were swimming in Schuylkill again!”

“Washington is at a meeting right now,” Fitzgerald speaks. “He will probably not get back until midnight.” 

Harrison, who appears to be the only one that is doing work, glances up and adjusts the bridge of his old glasses. He squints his eyes. “Is Laurens alright?” 

I shut the door to stop all the cold. John chuckles. My heart is banging on my lungs, screaming that John is, he’s just drunk and not my lover in no way shape, or form. I attempt to swallow down the fears and John rests his head on my shoulder. He playfully waves at everyone and giggles and I quickly say, “he’s drunk.”

Meade and Fitzgerald cock their heads as if they did not understand what I was saying, as if it was too quick. 

I repeat again, my voice not even stern, but shaky. “He’s… he’s drunk.” 

Luckily, the whole office shrugs and starts to pack up to go to bed, while glancing up a few times to see how drunk John is. I take in a deep breath, perhaps this will not go as bad as I think it will. 

“Alexander…”

Then the anxiety hits back at me, flooding my brain. I do not wish for everyone to see the closeness of John and me so I quickly turn to my chamber’s door and begin walking, gripping John’s body even more. I pray to God that he will not slip up. I take a little glimpse at him and he has a silly little grin on his face, extremely different from my serious face. He cannot process the danger that I can obviously see. 

“Alexander…” John repeats himself, only a bit louder this time. 

“He must be really drunk!” Meade chuckles as he pushes his chair from beneath the desk. 

I ignore Meade’s comment and hush John. “We’re here,” I mutter. I cannot breathe as if the noose is already around my throat. I begin thinking of things I can say to him if we were alone. Don’t slip up, my dear, I love you. If anything happens, I will beg for his life no matter….

John suddenly jerks himself out of my grip and stumbles to a table, his hands grabbing it so he will not hit his head. He chuckles and stretches, walking to the door of our room, and looks back at me. At first, I think he’s starting to get over the alcohol but then when he giggles and says, “dear boy” to me I know my fate. 

At first, I tried to laugh it off and not pay attention to my fellow aides, “Dear boy? What does that mean?”

When I step closer to the door and try and open it John lowers himself down to my height and shuffles through my hair. His dopey smile looks absolutely outrageous and adorable, yet I want him to get in the room and slam the door and not look suspicious. My mind stops when he leans in my face and sneaks a kiss on my lips. 

At first, I stood there. His lips feel soft on mine and it is filled with passion and love for me. But then all the senses go to my head and I push him away. He whimpers, but there is happiness to it. My heart has left my body and I can feel it now being judged by the court, where I shall go. I cannot say anything, all the office knows our secret, the one that many will declare we will go to Hell. My stomach boils and I feel like I am about to vomit, the room is so silent it is sickening. 

I instantly open the door and I grab his arm. Once we are inside our chamber, I take a quick glance at my colleagues that just witnessed the events to prove that me and my dear are sodomites. They do not have any emotion on their faces except disbelief as if they are still processing what was conducted. Then I slam the door loudly, the sound almost too much for my ears. I start to break down, thinking about what will happen to us, my nails go in my dark ginger curls, I’m starting to have a headache. 

I hear John roll onto one of the beds and move on it. I turn my face towards him and my body starts to fail me, I collapse to the ground, knees to the dusty oak floor. He is stunning, someone I need to defend for his life. He pats on the spot of the bed where he wants me to lay with him and even though he is entirely drunk, he sees the turmoil on my face. “Beautiful boy? Why are you sobbing?” 

I sniffle and wipe away some of my snot, tears falling down to the floor, making lonely pitter-patter sounds. I let out a quiet sob and I stand up and collapse again, much closer to the bed where we lay. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and his body feels warm and calming, I am surely going to miss it. I choke down a sob as I bury my nose in the crook of his neck. Most likely, a scruffy rope will go around it and the trapdoor will unlock. My grip goes tighter at the thought of it. 

I relive all the months that we had together, how it started in August with simple flirts from me and how darn long it took him to figure out, the terrifying battles where I thought I would lose him, how he stayed by my side when I felt my life was slipping from December sickness, the tender moments we had in bed and how all this romance changed my life for the better. I will do anything to protect the love of my life. 

The only one that knows about us is Gilbert. He is like a son to General Washington, perhaps I’ll beg for him to persuade His Excellency to spare our lives or John’s life. 

I let out another whimper and John mumbles, “Alexander?” 

His beautiful voice strangled by a rope is all I can think about. I choke and I sob, my body shaking each time I do. “Jack?” 

“Yes?” He is still incredibly woozy. Perhaps he will not even remember what has happened, which is the worst part I feel like. Maybe I’ll be dead then, in the matter of hours he will be hung a drunk man next to me, unaware of what he has done. 

I lift my head from his shoulder and kiss his forehead. I hate that the future exists, it is so unclear, yet everyone has to face it. A tear rolls down my cheek and onto his and he scrunches his nose. “Are you…” he cannot even finish his sentence and I bite my lip. 

“I love you so much,” I run my fingers through his hair and tremble. He nods and there is a big grin on his face, something I will cherish for the days leading up to my death. 

I kiss his lips softly and he wraps his arms around me. He kisses back. He does not know the trouble at all. I pull away from his lips before kissing them again for the last time. Why is there the last time for anything in this cruel world? Why is it the last time I kiss the most beautiful person? I pull away from his grasp and get to my feet. “I love you, dear.”

He only chuckles. 

I want his lips on mine again, the softness of his lips and how beautiful it felt to feel them. I touch my bottom lip with the tips of my fingernails, remembering all the little kisses he had in the past. I realize that little kiss will be my last with him and tears start to flow out my eyes and my hands go for my face as I let out another sob. I have one more look at him, he smiles at me and waves and I wave back. He is stunning, the dearest lover to my heart. I wipe my eyes and before I start to cry again I look away and go to the door so I can beg for his life to be not cut short by a rope. 

I bite my lip as I open the door and look at the ones who will judge what will be the fate of us: Tench Tilghman, Richard Kidder Meade, John Fitzgerald, and Robert Hanson Harrison. All of them I knew for so long and they are my friends yet the act of sodomy will turn away almost anyone. Let out a little hiccup and I all of a sudden feel like my wrists are being tied up, awaiting the rope, yet it is all in my damned head. I slam the door shut and I assume that John does not hear any of this. 

I do not know where to start, this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life of death and abandonment. Will I be abandoned by my family? Will I watch the death of my lover? I wish life would change yet I feel as if my fate is full of those two things. 

Tilghman opens his mouth but before anything comes out, I speak out. “Please… please… he is an innocent man.” 

I take a gulp and I have a feeling of vomit churning in my belly. 

“Hamilton,” Harrison traipses towards me, yet I step back and tears start to form in my eyes again. I fear I am losing. Harrison mumbles, “Ham-” 

“I beg of you, spare his life,” I yell and step away from everyone and go closer to my bedroom door, blocking it. I need to keep my dear safe, my beautiful John. I clasp my hands together, I look up to the ceiling, in which it covers the view of the Heavens and then I glare at my judges. My eyes plead for sympathy and I cannot explain since my vision is blurred by my sorrow-filled tears. “Please, he has done nothing wrong.”

Even though all of them are somewhat of my height, they all look tall, staring down at me, wondering what they will do to me. Back in the medieval ages, there was a type of execution where limbs are torn off by horses. Four limbs, four horses. Since the four men deciding my fate were now so large, I feel much more intimidated. Perhaps they will use that execution on him, loving a man is viewed as more sinful than the actual sin. 

Meade gets up from his chair and slowly tries to approach me, the steps he makes with his boots sound like each bone in John’s body being bashed and broken. “Hey… listen…”

“Meade I beg of you,” my fingernails dig into my knuckles, drawing blood. I take a glance at him and I get to my knees and he looks gigantic when I stare at his face. As the feeling of John wrapping his arms around me for comfort, I hang my head down low, my red curls falling from their braid, tumbling down to cover my face. I start to say my confession, “we both engaged in acts one will call sodomy, which you have just witnessed. Please, I fucking beg of you, spare his life. If you want to ruin us leave him be and let me suffer for both of us. He is a good man. John, Jack…. He’s a good man…”

I shrivel up and I think I have lost everything. John will die, I can see him getting hung first. The news that it will be, General George Washington's two aides-de-camp hung for them just loving each other. Would he view our execution with the other aides, their gaze tall and menacing while John chokes first and I choke second? I do a silent prayer that John snaps his neck during his hanging so he will not struggle. 

I let out a loud sob and I collapse, even more, my back arches as my fists bang the ground, losing all hope. My beautiful John, blonde and blue eyes. And just to think, he is in the chamber, wondering where I am… all he wanted when he kissed me was to give me comfort from the cold. Those beautiful lips… I will never feel them on my skin again. My fists bang the ground as I realize this, tears dripping from my eyes and onto the dusty ground of this wretched office. I almost freeze as I feel a hand on my back. 

“Listen, deep breaths,” It’s Meade, his voice calming, yet I do not have the courage to look up at him. I can hear the floor rock as he gets on his knees and his hand returns to my back. “Deep breaths, Alexander.” 

I heave a sob and cry out again, the cry sounding so blood-curdling and shriveled. From all this crying and pleading, I’m losing my voice as it sounds so dry. “Please, Jack… he’s innocent…”

I do a bit of shaking and my neck still feels like it is that rough noose with John hanging down from a tree. I can feel a large hand grip my chest and it encourages me to lift my chest up and I obey. I recognize it’s Fitzgerald and he is biting his lip as if he is concerned. “We won’t do anything.”

I should feel relieved from this statement, yet I doubt it. All aides are sneaky and they always obey their general instead of the men below them. I understand since I have ties to the Culper Ring, a group full of spies. I stare at him, my eyes are red and puffy and my cheeks are drenched in sweat tears and snot is dripping down my nose. I am shaking, I need comfort, I am a mess, yet when one has possible liars around them, where will they get it?

Fitzgerald must have seen my doubts and so he repeats himself again, this time being more articulate and slowly. “Alexander, we will not tell anyone until the day we all die. We all promise this.” He grips one of my hands, his hands feel soft compared to my dry ones. He slowly wipes away the blood I made when I dug my fingernails into my knuckles. I huff out a sob again.

Tilghman and Harrison slowly approach me and go down on their knees like everyone else in the room that is silent, only for my cries. Tilghman lunges his arms slowly to give me an embrace and I stay still for a few seconds. The touch of someone who I just feared was going to hang my lover is odd. Yet he mumbles “your safe” over and over again and at last, I know I am. I can always tell if Tilghman is genuine or not and I start to slowly sink my head into his shoulder as tears brisk my eyes again.

The cogitation finally reaches my head. John is safe. He is safe from the terrible trials of awaiting execution. He is safe from the fear as the rope goes around the neck. He is safe from the feeling of the trapdoor slipping and his body falling, awaiting his neck to either break or choke. He will still be free and continue on with his life, from doing all the activities that he loves and continue his goals. My dear love will be free and I exhale bit by bit. My heart finally comes back, it starts to go slower and slower with each beat it has. 

Harrison scruffles my red curls for a bit and Tilghman’s hand replaces his as he strokes my hair softly. Harrison sniffles and sighs, “We knew there was always something between you and Laurens from the start. You changed when he showed up, you were more curious and you were always near him. You always stared at each other and there was a little redness to your face as he smiled. You were always with the Marquis too… he knew, did he?” 

I nod very slowly as I sink my teeth into my lip. I now have a headache since I know everything is fine, so I let my head rest on Tilghman’s shoulder. Yes, from all the shock, I still cry. “He knew,” I mutter as I sniffle. I do not want to ruin Tilghman’s coat with my snot. 

“I suspected it,” Harrison pats my back as if he is a paternal figure to me. “There were so many hints also. One day, I saw you hold hands under the desk where you work.”

“I saw it too,” Tilghman whispers, his nails circle around my head and I sniffle. It feels good, he is no John, yet from all the commotion, I am glad he is there. I am glad that all the aides are there. 

“Not to mention that you sleep in the same room,” Fitzgerald points out. 

It’s quite hilarious that my recklessness to show John I love him has reached the people I work with. Perhaps I will not be in the future, to avoid events that will actually cost me my neck. I finally achieve the courage to lift my head up from Tilghman’s shoulder and it’s covered in tears and snot. I mutter, “I’m sorry-” 

“It’s alright,” Tilghman smiles softly.

I grin as well and I wipe my eyes. They are puffy and they hurt from crying my heart out of my body. I must look like a fool and I did a little chuckle. “Thank you so much.” 

“We will never say anything about this,” Meade reminds me as he rubs my upper arm a bit. His face is plastered with friendship and trust. He does a little smile as he pushes his glasses on the upper part of the bridge of his nose. “John is safe.” 

“Thank you,” I mumble. A small smile appears on my face as I think about what has just happened. An anticipated death turned into a moment of safety. Like Meade has said, John is safe, he is free. I can still take care of him and be with him and love him. I wipe my face with my sleeve and I stare at not judges, yet my loyal friends: Tench Tilghman, Richard Kidder Meade, John Fitzgerald, and Robert Hanson Harrison. They will do anything to keep the family safe. 

I wish to have a family bond, something I have always had a difficult time with. Yet this is the one that I can trust and have brotherly love as the, minus John. I lift up my arms awkwardly, I want to embrace them all. They all notice this and they wrap their arms around me. We are a family of six, two of the lovers and the rest are brothers. We are aides, a family. 

After the embrace, I stare at them dumbfounded and the clock in the room clicks. “We should go to bed,” Fitzgerald yawns and stretches his back. “You should be with your lover, I think he wants his ‘dear boy.’”

I snicker at his little tease as Harrison and Tilghman help me get on my feet. Now the family knows one of the names John gives me, yet there will be other nicknames that they will learn. I dry my cheeks since they are covered in tear stains. Everyone dips their head in respect and walks to their chambers, it’s been a long night and it’s been past the time we normally go to bed. When they open their doors, all of them say a cheerful “goodnight” and they all close their doors. 

All except Meade. 

He fiddles with his doorknob, but he does not open his door at all. He eyes at me, his eyes look tired yet so lively at the same. “Alexander?” 

“Yes, Richard?” 

“Does…,” it seems like he does not know where to start, he looks down and then looks back up to me. He takes off his glasses and lets his fingers go through his smooth dark hair. Then he continues, “does Laurens, ever get distressed?”

I have somewhat of a strange curiosity as to where this private conversation is going. “About loving a man?” 

“Yes.” 

I gulp. I know to be a good lover to him I should keep some of his deepest secrets about he detests himself and I. Gilbert knows, but it’s only because he interrupted John one day sobbing about how he had “sinned”. I trust Gilbert with that information of how John perceives himself and I don’t know if I can trust anyone with that information other than him. But I see Meade, he is the man that does little jokes and tries to make everyone laugh in this barren world of Valley Forge. Perhaps he will try and help John as well to make him feel more accepted. “He does, tremendously. I know he was not portraying that when he came in here and kissed me, yet he was drunk. He acts a completely different person, in reality, he hates himself dearly.” 

“Poor man,” Meade lets out and I can agree with him. He sounds so genuine in his sympathy towards my lover, he reeks of it. He bites his lip and then says, “I can do something if you would like. I know how much this drives deep in a person's head. I had a good friend when I was growing up who realized that he loved men. I witnessed all the hatred he had for himself. I do not wish any of that on anyone, especially Laurens.” 

“I’ll tell him about how everyone knows,” I confess, “It will let him get rid of a lot of stress. He was extremely upset about it a week ago, how nervous he feels when we… when we bed each other at night. He’s scared people will hear. He’s scared about… everything...” 

“Well we will hear,” Meade chuckles softly. “I won’t mind, I bet Tench, Robert and Fitz won’t mind either. You are lovers, no doubt. You deserve time together bedding and all of what lovers do. I do not know about His Excellency, but he has meetings a lot and you know how he watches over the soldiers now when they are sick to give encouragement and thanks.”

I’m thankful to have Meade as a friend, I truly mean it. I let out a little sniffle and I slump against the door of my chamber. “Thank you… for understanding. I’ll tell John once the drunkness washes off from him what happened. If you want, I can tell him that you are here. The marquis knows how sad he gets, so you can also discuss it with him also.”

“Alright,” Meade opens the door and he glances back at me, dipping his head down. “Goodnight, Hamilton. I’ll see you tomorrow, I do not think we have a lot of work to get done, so we will have enough time to discuss these things.”

“Goodnight,” I echo back and he grins at me and closes his door. I take a deep sigh and ruffle my hair, it is a mess that I will have to comb out. Yet, I’m too exhausted, and I wish to be in the arms of a man I love now. This gives me a thought, the last time I saw John, I thought I was going to lose him. The excitement throbs through my veins and I open the door.

“Alexander!” 

The sight of him overwhelms me, if I had not cried, I would have been sobbing. He chuckles and I shut the door quietly, he looks gorgeous. His blonde hair, his beautiful blue eyes, his muscular physique, his height, his love for me makes me weak in the stomach. I run up to the bed and quickly lay on it. “Oh John…”

He immediately wraps his arms around me and I lay my head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat for another day. He brings his hand to my cheek and presses his fingers lightly. He can still feel the slight wetness of my cheeks. “What was all that shouting? Why were you gone?”

“Did you understand what the shouts were?” I lift my head to glimpse at him, his cheeks are still heavily pink from intoxication. 

“Not really,” he giggles and he kisses my forehead, his lips on my skin again. I shudder at the feeling, it feels so warm and loving. I kiss his lips and they are soft against mine. I love him and no one will take him away from me, no matter the foe. 

“We can discuss it tomorrow.”

“Alright,” John kisses me again and I kiss back with a smile. I cannot wait to tell him that he will lift all these burdens on his back in the morning, he needs to know that his friends love him for who he is.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading !
> 
> I'm sorry if it ain't edited that good, Its Christmas and i am extremely busy. tonight i will check for any spelling errors
> 
> title is from a lyric from little dark age by MGMT


End file.
